DENVER, CO – APRIL 9: Mary Fields, left, and JoAnn Sanderson, right, wore their best hats and dresses to take part in Easter Sunday services at Zion Baptist Church on April 9, 2023 in Denver, Colorado. Organized by former slaves on November 15, 1865, Zion Baptist Church is the oldest black congregation in Colorado and the Rocky Mountain West. Since 1913, the church has occupied its Romanesque Revival building at 933 East 24th Ave in Five Points, which was originally built in the early 1890s for Calvary Baptist Church. Long one of the central institutions in Denvers black community, Zion Baptist celebrated its 150th anniversary in 2015 and has now been serving its community for 158 years. (Photo by Helen H. Richardson/MediaNews Group/The Denver Post via Getty Images)
Easter is this weekend. (Bougie folks call it Resurrection Sunday.) And, of course, Black folks have long treated that holy day like a runway. Men and boys step out looking sharper than a tack. Women and girls come through in dresses fresh off the rack. It is tradition. It is culture. It is also a lot.
Because if we are being honest, some of the things our people love to wear on the unofficial start of spring need to go. I said what I said.
Now listen, this might hurt a little. I am not hating. I am helping. Just because something has been done forever does not mean it needs to keep being done. Some of these Easter Sunday choices are less “He is risen” and more “you paid real cash money for those clothes?”
So yes, we need to talk. Respectfully. But legit, I’m not going to be too respectful. Some things need to die. And when it comes to Easter, there are three things that should go and one thing that I am calling Child Services on you if you do.
Church Hats. They had a good run, but they need to go.
Elaborate hats have officially crossed from statement to distraction. We are not here to watch your head fight the sermon for attention. If your brim is blocking three pews and causing a minor eclipse, it is too much. Be cute. Be fly. But let us all see the altar without tilting our necks like we are at a Beyonce concert.
Taste the rainbow suits are played out.
Flashy suits have some Black men confused about the assignment. This is church not a music video shoot. If your suit is louder than the choir and shining brighter than the pulpit lights, the Holy Spirit is not pleased. Every color in the crayon box does not need to be on your body at the same time. Be clean. But stop dressing like you are trying to outshine the resurrection.
Pantyhose have Church mothers in a chokehold.
Seasoned saints are going to be mad at me.(And I would not write this if my Granny had not gone on to the upper room.) But pantyhose are hanging on because of tradition and sheer stubbornness. This is not 1993 and your legs do not need to be wrapped in nylon. Half the time they are the wrong shade and fighting your outfit instead of helping it anyway. Let your skin breathe. Join the 21st century.
God loves the little children. You should too.
Little boys in two-piece suits are the biggest scam Black folks keep falling for every Easter. You paid straight cash homie for that baby to look like a tiny deacon with sleeves swallowing his hands and pants puddling at his ankles. All that money and he will outgrow those cheap threads before the benediction. He is uncomfortable. You are stressed. And we all see the struggle.
Look, Jesus got up. That’s the headline. Not your hat. Nor your suit. It ain’t your stockings. And definitely not that little boy in an ill-fitting suit Keep it simple. And happy Easter to those who celebrate.
Straight From 
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